In this article I would like to summarize key points made by Hedy Schleifer in a seminar she conducted for the first of our three “Miracle of Connection” seminars.

Presented on January 12th, this was truly an amazing seminar. We received comments such as-

“THIS IS THE BEST CLASS I’VE EVER ATTENDED!”

“Now I know why everyone adores Hedy so much. Today’s call was simply magical. I had goosebumps the entire time.”

At the end of this article is a link to access a 52 minute audio recording of this seminar. Highly recommended!

FIVE ASSUMPTIONS FOR RELATIONSHIPS

Hedy shared the following five assumptions she and Yumi make about committed relationships:

1. We grow and heal in the crucible of our relationship. “Therapy” doesn’t work well for relationships because the relationship IS the therapy.
2. A relationship is not a problem to be solved; it is an adventure to embrace.
3. Conflict is a friend, an opportunity for growth and connection.
4. A relationship is a laboratory for the “Relational Maturity” of two adults.
5. The higher mission of a relationship is to reclaim our wholeness. We choose a partner perfectly suited for this task, even if we appear incompatible.

SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP

1. Our relationship happens in the space between us. True connection happens when we empty ourselves and cross the bridge to meet our partner.
2. Everything your partner says in the present is a child attempting to tell their story.
3. We are energy that can be expressed positively or negatively.
4. Your partner’s bewildering behavior is an existential cry for help.
5. Every frustration is a double-gift for the relationship.
6. Liberating our joy into our space re-romanticizes our relationship.
7. Fulfillment comes from dreaming our largest dreams together.

THE THIRD OPTION

“When it seems there are only two alternatives; pick the third” — Hedy’s Dad

“Beyond ‘right-thinking’ and ‘wrong-thinking’ there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” — Rumi

Our relationship lives in the space between us; in the hyphen between the “I” and the “Thou” in our “I-Thou” relationship.

In a relationship, we must “honor the ‘otherness’ of the other” and assume we are two separate people, and “cross the bridge into the country of our partner.”

When we honor the “otherness” of our partner and empty ourselves to “cross the bridge” we are honoring the space between us, which then becomes warm, loving, inviting, and passionate.

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