The Two Flipchart Technique
Hello, everyone. I am feeling happy to spend this next hour and half with you. I want to explore what I am calling The Two Flipchart Technique. It has arisen from two different learnings:
- It has arisen from the core question which was asked at the Master Class Reunion in October 2016, where the meeting was centered around people wanting to explore these growth edge places with couples, where we find ourselves asking: “What the heck do I do now?”
- It has also arisen from my deep understanding that often in life the plan and the path don’t coincide. It has been a life long lesson: “Have a plan, and then welcome the path.”
So we might have a terrific plan for our couples, and then OOOOps we find ourselves scratching our heads, wondering: “What the heck do I do now?”
And so I would like to start my lecture today by saying that I have absolutely loved having a plan with couples. And you know my plan.
Here it is:
My plan starts with the most radiant Future put on the horizon. It then goes to the darkest “survival” Past, observed and named. And then my plan designs a creative and productive Present, in which the couple becomes the authors of the Book of their Life, and the Past is not “a silent voter” anymore in their apparent Present. My plan is also to make sure that the experience the couple has on their journey leads to a Level 3 Learning nl. that the couple undergoes true transformation through memory re-consolidation. My plan is to make the whole adventure a thorough contradiction to the way things automatically were, and juxtapose a new reality so that the brain’s error detection mechanism is put in place, and the most life-giving and life-affirming new reality is chosen and wired in through brain plasticity. My plan is that there be a “before” and an “after” and that things are never the same anymore, but rather fresh, new and creative.
However, if there is one thing I have deeply learned with my long life experience is that the plan and the path do not always synchronize. And then when I welcome the new path, it becomes a “living laboratory” for discovery and for the acquisition of new skill and expertise. Embracing the new path, however challenging it might be, becomes a launching pad for increased competence.
What am I talking about?
Well, as soon as the universe saw how comfortable I am with my plan with couples, it gave me the opportunity to learn again. Over the last six months I have been given couples who have this enormous gap between a very low emotional/relational level of functioning, and at the same time they have powerful brain power, mental cleverness, brightness, sharpness, brilliance, and outstandingly high and influential positions in the world.
The universe must feel that I am ready to tackle something internal of mine. I grew up in Antwerp, Belgium, with a group of young people who fit the description of this enormous gap perfectly. All of us were children of survivors of the Holocaust. All of us had parents who had experienced horrific atrocities. All of us knew trauma in our very fiber. But there was a difference in the survivorship of our parents. Some people stay alive after agonizing trauma but their spirit has withered. Others keep their spirit alive and kicking in the face of horror. In some mysterious way, they keep thriving, even though everything around them would have them collapse. My parents were such survivors. They somehow, inexplicably, mystifyingly, miraculously kept on creating meaning out every step in the darkness. Some of my friends’ parents were not these kind of survivors.
Growing up, I had friends who were intellects of the highest caliber. I was not. And I felt intimidated by their brains. What I did not understand at that time was that I had received a magnificent gift from my parents: a safe harbor with joy. And with this gift I received a solid emotional/relational intelligence. I could not see at the time in my friends the gap between their superior intellects and the low emotional/relational levels. All I knew was that I could often not follow the complexities of the rational, analytical, in-depth conversations between my friends. And I did feel a bit like a second-class citizen in these situations. The universe decided that at the ripe age of 72, I am now ready to have my childhood friends show up as couples in my practice, now that I have made peace within, and now that I have become the person I wanted to be when I grew up.
The main challenge for me with these couples that the universe decided I need to embrace is the fact that they will not take my “no” as an acceptable answer to a request. So for example, I will be approached by one of the partners of the couple to hear their story. If I say that I do not speak to people before the session, I will get a written message that says, “I understand fully that you will not speak to people, so here is the written form of what I want to say to you.” There is a pushing of boundaries and a sense of entitlement at a level I have not experienced before. It has become clear to me that I must design a foolproof structure that allows me to be the authoritative and robust guide of a “process,” without falling into the trap of “content.” I notice at all times how seductive, clever and brilliant “content” is. And I know that my rule of thumb is the following: I am a teacher of a process to be practiced on the road to Relational Maturity, and I stay out of content 100% period.
And so I developed The Two Flipchart Technique in order to create a formal contract with my couples who fit this description of the big gap, in order to be effective in guiding them.
I will first give you the evolution of the technique, and then describe it in detail.
EVOLUTION OF THE TWO FLIPCHART TECHNIQUE:
It started with a pioneer couple, who was the first couple I saw after I joined the clan of the one-breasted women and became an Amazon. The avalanche of content was so fast and furious with one of the partners, that for the first time in my journey as a couples guide I felt the need to use two flipcharts. I have spoken about this couple before. As you know, I put the words COPING on one of the flipcharts, and the word LIVING on the other one. I explained to the couple that as humans, we do “coping” in isolation, and we do “living” in connection. Because they had a little baby at the time, I could show them how their baby is naturally and innately wired for connection. And now I had a way to essentialize the avalanche of words into the two categories that I was teaching them. I could also at all times ask the fateful question: “Where are you choosing to put your energy? Will you put your energy into COPING in isolation? Or will you put your energy into LIVING in connection?” And I could show them that as the parents of their little baby, they are making the continuous choice of living in connection.
As soon as the two flipcharts were positioned in my room, as a standard prop, the “Home Office” discussed my professional development, and the Universe said: “OK, Hedy. Let us now send you only Two Flipchart Couples so that you can make progress with your new technique.”
THE CONTENT OF THE TWO FLIPCHARTS
I would like to take a moment to describe the content of the two Flipcharts. The only thing that the two flipcharts contain are distinctions, in which I am contrasting two paradigms for living.
Let me first enumerate them one by one, before I go into the detail of how I make use of them.
Here are the distinctions:
- The Upward Trend and the Downward Pull
- The Essence of the Person and the Survival Pattern
- Making progress and Thriving and being stagnant and Coping
- Living one’s Full Aliveness and fitting oneself into the crippling Survival Suit
- Being “At Cause!” as the “author” of one’s life and being “At Effect!” and survive one’s fate
- Being “Source” and deliberately generating one’s Future and having the Past as a “silent voter” in our apparent Present
- The embrace of a new Process and the attachment to known Content
- Adopting a Third Option and being limited to only two options
- Unraveling the “Survival Knot” and existing in the vicious cycle of “being right”
- Power and true empowerment and Force and the pseudo-power of the Power Struggle
I now always have two large flipcharts in my room. I start by writing the date on one of the flipcharts, with “international-take-a-big- risk-day” underneath. On the other flipchart I put the words: A Relational Journey for Possibilities.
The most important distinction I am working with is the distinction between Power and Force because it encompasses all others. It is something new that I have learned from Nancy Hyatt, a colleague from of the first Master Class. (By the way I cannot tell you how excited I am to see the two classes are “bridging” with one another.)
Nancy introduced me to the work of David Hawkins. In his groundbreaking book Power vs. Force: The Anatomy of Consciousness, David Hawkins shares the distinction between Power and Force, based on his lengthy research measuring the energetic frequency levels of consciousness as they pertain to a variety of emotions.
And so I put David Hawkins’s chart on one of the flipcharts. I now stand there to give the couple a concise lecturette. I show them the various emotions and their energetic frequencies, from shame, at the bottom, with the lowest energetic frequency, in an ascending order to guilt, apathy, grief, fear, desire, anger, pride and then comes courage. Courage according to Hawkins, with its 200 megahertz, is the distinguishing emotion between what we experience as Force and what we experience as Power. Above the courage line, in ascending order are neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace, and enlightenment.
My intention in this lecturette is to create a firm contract with the couple to intentionally journey together above the “courage line.” The power struggle occurs under the “courage line,” where force meets force, and emotional reaction meets emotional reaction. Above the “courage line” is first neutrality, a babystep towards enlightenment. Above neutrality is willingness, an essential ingredient in the journey.
What I have found awe-inspiring is how this visual quiets the central nervous system. People look at it and begin to see themselves in a new light. A quietness sets in.
From there I can teach each of all of the distinctions with the full cooperation of the couple. With them I now look at each distinction to see where they fit. Do they fit above or under the “courage line.”
Above the “courage line” and increasing personal and relational empowerment are:
- The Upward Trend
- The Essence of the Person
- Making progress and Thriving
- Living one’s Full Aliveness
- Being “At Cause!” as the “author” of one’s Life
- Being “Source” and deliberately generating one’s Future
- The embrace of a new Process
- Adopting a Third Option
- Unraveling the “Survival Knot”
- Power and true empowerment
Under the “courage line” and nourishing Force are:
- The Downward Pull
- The Survival Pattern
- Being stagnant and Coping
- Fitting oneself into the crippling Survival Suit
- Being “At Effect!” and survive one’s fate
- Having the Past as a "silent voter" in our apparent Present
- The attachment to known Content
- Being limited to only two options
- Existing in the vicious cycle of “being right”
- Force and the pseudo-power of the Power Struggle
When and where in the journey do I give this lecturette?
I give this lecturette only when I see people who live with this enormous gap of being very influencial in the world large, and very young emotionally and relationally in their primary relationship. Ninety-nine percent of the time I will still start every journey by putting on the horizon dreams and aspirations, wishes and longings. But I found myself with one couple recently starting the whole journey with this lecturette about the courage line, because there had been so much pushing of boundaries before they ever got to me. I knew that in order for me to teach the three invisible connectors, and have them enter into the Art of Hosting and the Art of Visiting, and welcome the Bridge between them, I needed to have a productive language.
THREE UNEXPECTED AND SURPRISING RESULTS
1. CORE VALUES:
One man, who many times during the session reacted with an absolute avalanche of anger and bitterness towards his wife, who had had an affair with her boss, had a mind-blowing realization. After his reactive spewing of obscenities and expletives, he continuously looked again at the chart, and at what would constitute an action above the “courage line.” He saw with ”new eyes” his unbridled and destructive reaction. He realized that acting above the “courage line” lines up completely with his core values of decency and righteousness. He saw that he is preaching these core values to his son, but has many a time reacted in this indecent manner towards his wife in front of his son. He moved up from the courage line to “acceptance.” He began to accept the fact that it was an unacceptable indulgence on his part, no matter what the trigger was. I was able to finish the Amends Visit with him and his wife, even though punctuated by many of these tsunami like outbursts. The visit however brought about a few magical encounters bringing to the surface a mighty bond of friendship that had continued flow between them.
2. INNER PEACE:
This session was a first for me in terms of a new sense of inner peace. I could sit serenely in the face of such brute force and stay in my power. As I looked continuously at the Power vs. Force chart, to stay centered, I had a completely new sense of relaxed connectedness in the face of the most virulent reactivity I had ever experienced in a session. It was a brilliant man, used to having his way, used to brutalize others ruthlessly, used to seeing other as subservient to him, having the experience of someone staying connected to him calmly, through the whole entire wave of rage, till the storm was over and he got regulated. And then I could calmly point him back to the chart, which he had studied and integrated deeply.
One superbly intelligent woman, as she studied the chart, came to realize that she had been acting under the “courage line” from her teenage years onward. She saw how one more event, in a string of defeating events, was the straw that broke the camel’s back and there she was, under the courage line. The realization hit her hard. She stayed stunned for a while, in silence. She saw in a flash of memory, how she had been playing second fiddle in every circumstance, personal and professional, capitulating, accommodating, placating, self-effacing, and again and again taking the back seat. Because the picture of her children was facing her, she became mindful of the modeling for her daughters. For the first time in her life she consciously said, “I have never had a voice of my own. It is high time that I claim my true voice.” I could then create what I called a “thinking partnership” between her and her husband, to explore through a mutual visit over the bridge what might be a Third Option to the pending divorce that she had initiated.
WHAT INTRIGUES ME AND INTERESTS ME: UNDERSTANDING THE ANATOMY OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS
In using the levels of consciousness chart with my couples and describing to them “acting above and under the courage line” in six Intensive sessions, I became fascinated with the work of David Hawkins. I am intrigued by how he did his research, and how he came up with his Scale of Consciousness. He developed a “map.” I find maps very useful, and so I looked into how he arrived at this “map.” I have a lot to learn here, but I will share with you the very beginnings of my investigation.
What David Hawkins wanted to document is something that is very challenging to record and chart nl. the non-linear domain, what we call the spiritual realm. For his research he used a muscle-testing technique, called Applied Kinesiology. He persevered. He kept exploring, investigating, testing, probing until his research was scientifically validated, and his doctoral dissertation was published. He titled his dissertation Qualitative and Quantitative Analysis and Calibration of the Levels of Human Consciousness. And then he elaborated on his findings about the Scale of Consciousness in his groundbreaking book, Power vs. Force: the Anatomy of Consciousness.
And here are three points he makes about the Scale of Consciousness:
- Each level of consciousness coincides with determinable human behavior and perception about life and about God.
- Each level of consciousness represents a corresponding “attractor field” of varying strength which exists beyond three-dimensional reality.
- There is a critical point within each level from which its “field” gravitates or entrains.
Using Kinesiology, David Hawkins calculated energetic frequencies and gave them numbers. In the written article that I will be sending you after the Tele-class, I have written the Scale of Consciousness with a short description of each level. I got this information from a very informative article called High Vibes are Happy Vibes by Frances House with Kelly Firewalker.
THE SCALE OF CONSCIOUSNESS:
Enlightenment 700 - 1000: Those humans, living at this level of enlightened consciousness, are the ones who have inspired and influenced all of mankind throughout our human history.
Peace 600 - 700: At the Peace level we live in complete surrender to the Creator. We have transcended and entered the place that David Hawkins calls Illumination. Here, a stillness and silence of mind is achieved, allowing for constant revelation.
Joy 540 - 600: Joy is the level of saints and of advanced spiritual humans. As Love, the level below Joy becomes unconditional, there follows a constant accompaniment of happiness. No personal tragedy or world event could ever shake someone living at this level of consciousness. They seem to inspire and lift all those who come in contact with them.
Love 500 - 540: Only at the level of Reason, the level below Love, do we start to see ourselves as a potential for the greater good of mankind, and it is from the consciousness of our highest purpose that we have enough power to enter into Love. Here is where you start applying what was learned in your reasoning, and to let the heart take over rather then the mind. You live by intuition. This is the level of charity - a selfless love that has no desire, except for the welfare of those around them.
Reason 400 - 500: Reason is the level of science, medicine, and a desire for knowledge. At this level our thirst for knowledge becomes insatiable. We don’t waste time in activities that do not provide educational value. We begin to categorize all of life and its experiences into concepts, postulates and theories. The failure at this level is that we cannot seem to separate the subjective from the objective, and therefore this failure can become a stumbling block for further progression of consciousness.
Acceptance 350 - 400: If Courage is the realization that we are the source of our life experiences, then it is with Acceptance that we become the creator of them. Combined with the skills learned in the Willingess phase, just below Acceptance, we begin to awaken our potential for action. Here is where we begin to set and achieve goals, and to actively push ourselves beyond your previous limitations. Up to this point we have been generally reactive to what life throws at you. Here is where we turn that around, take control, and become pro-active.
Willingness 310 - 350: Willingness is the level of the perpetual optimist - it is the level of consciousness of seeing life as a big possibility. We are no longer satisfied with complacency, and we strive to do our best at whatever task we undertake. We begin to develop self-discipline and will power, and learn the importance of sticking to a task till the end.
Neutrality 250 - 310: Neutrality is the level of flexibility. To be neutral we are for the most part unattached to outcomes. At this level we might still feel stifled with our current life situation, and yet not have a lot of motivation towards self-improvement and excellence both personal and professional. We realize the possibilities, but we don’t yet make the sacrifices required to reach a higher level.
Courage 200 - 250: Courage is the level of empowerment. This is the first level where we are not taking life energy from those around us. Courage is where we see that we don’t need to be tossed to and fro by our external conditions. This empowerment leads us to the realization that we are a stewards unto yourself, and that we alone are in charge of our own growth and success. This is what makes us inherently human: the realization that there is a gap between stimulus and response, and that we have the potential to choose how to respond.
Pride 175 - 200: Accord to David Hawkins the majority of people are below the courage line, and aspire to the level of Pride. Pride is a level where one begins to feel positive, but its is a false positive. It is dependent upon external conditions such as wealth, position and power. It is also the source of nationalism and religious fanaticism.
Anger 150 - 175: As one moves out of Apathy to Grief, and then out of Fear, one begins to want. Desire which is not fulfilled leads to frustration, which brings us to Anger. This Anger level can use us two ways: to move us out and up, or keep us there.
Desire 125 - 150: Desire is a major motivator for much of our society. Although Desire can be an impetus for change, the downside is the it leads to enslavement to one’s appetites. This is the level of addiction to such things as sex, prestige, or power.
Fear 100 - 125: The Fear level is pervasive for people living under dictatorship, or those involved in an abusive relationship. There is a sense of paranoia here, where one thinks everyone is out to get you. Suspicion and defensiveness are common at the Fear level.
Grief 75 - 100: Many of us have felt Grief at times of tragedy in our lives. However having Grief as our primary level of consciousness, we live a life of constant regret and remorse. This is the level where one feels that the opportunities have passed us by. One ultimately feels like we are a failure.
Apathy 50 - 75: Apathy is the level of hopelessness and despair. This is the common consciousness found among those of us who are homeless or living in poverty. At this level one has abdicated themselves to their current situation, and feels numb to life around them.
Guilt: 30 - 50: The Guilt level is not too far from the Shame level. Stuck at the level of Guilt feelings of worthlessness and an inability to forgive oneself are common.
Shame below 30: At the Shame level the primary emotion one feels is humiliation. It is where most thoughts of suicide are found. Often those of us who have suffered sexual abuse find themselves here.
CONCLUSION: SPIRITUAL GROWTH BARRIERS
As David Hawkins explored each level of consciousness, he discovered what he calls “spiritual growth barriers.”
And here are the two “spiritual growth barriers”:
- One spiritual growth barrier is level 200, the level of Courage, which represents a profound shift, from destructive and harmful behavior, to life-promoting and integral and coherent lifestyles. Everything below 200 makes us go weak.
David Hawkins says that currently 78% of the world’s population is below this significant level. The destructive capacity of this majority drags down all of mankind, without the counterbalancing effect of the 22% above 200.
And interesting point he makes is that because the scale of consciousness is logarithmic, each incremental point represents a giant leap in power. And so for example one person calibrated at 600 counterbalances the negativity of 10 million people below 200.
- The second spiritual growth barrier is level 500, the level of Love. Love in this context is a way a “being” in the world. According to David Hawkins the reason the level of Love is so difficult to achieve is because our ego is so rooted in the physical domain, as opposed to the spiritual domain which emerges at level 500.
The 500 level represents a difficult hurdle, as only 4% of the world population calibrates in the 500s. This level denotes a shift from the linear, provable domain (classic physics or Newtonian physics) to the non linear, formless, spiritual domain.
There is so much for me to learn here, but I did not know that I would be talking today about the mystical realm, the non-linear, formless, spiritual domain. I also did not know that such research had been done, and validated scientifically. I know deeply that the realm of the Encounter between a couple takes place in this energetic “field” of higher consciousness. Today is the first time ever, in my journey as a guide, in which I officially say: “We are guides into the mystical realm of life. We are guides to assist people in the rise of their consciousness. And we are responsible for our own growth above “the courage line,” from one level of consciousness to the next. Our willingness and our commitment to go higher, and even to jump higher, assists everyone who is in our presence to rise up.”
I thank you for listening today. It is thanks to you that I entered into this lecture. I am deeply grateful for your presence in my life.