TED Talk

On Monday, April 26, 2010 in Tel Aviv, Israel, Hedy Schleifer was invited to be one of the influential 20 minute lecturers at the TEDxTelAviv Conference.

If you have trouble viewing this video here, you can go directly to http://www.youtube.com/hedyyumi

From Hedy Schleifer: "My life's work has crystallized into one single overarching idea. It is the idea of the three invisible connectors: the space, the bridge and the encounter. When people make these three invisible connectors visible in their lives, and embrace them fully, the "miracle" of connection happens. The space is the relational space "between" people. In order to honor that space, one must cross the bridge, and bring one's full and authentic presence to the world of the "other". And in doing so, the perfect conditions are established to create a true "meeting", an encounter of the souls. Once the space has been honored, and the bridge has been crossed, a genuine, nourishing and fulfilling relationship is established."

If you wish to leave your feedback about Hedy's talk please do so below, or on the youtube page.  Please include your occupation and country after your name

86 Comments

  1. Estrella Azus-Zilberberg

    Dear Hedy,

    Not sure how I found your TED talk this time, as I constantly see their presentations on relationship/communications matters, but I am sure happy I found you.

    Sometimes listening to the right words at the right time by the right person just go through and for me it was a major AHA moment. Thank you!

    Thank you for coming into my life.

    Reply
  2. Joyce de waard

    Thank you so much for this awesome inspiring
    talk, I am lucky and grateful that one of your followers sent it to
    Me.
    Joyce de waard

    Reply
  3. Joanna MacArthur

    Dear Hedy, what a joy to listen to your Ted talk. Whilst I was listening to it my twelve year old son came into the room and gave me an enormous hug; you were still playing in the background on the iPad, after the rather lengthy hug he stood up and said ” that lady is just like you, she wants to help people”. What a great Friday night I thought. I loved your talk and your energy and your spirit. What a lucky family to have you in their lives. Kindest regards, Jo

    Reply
  4. Yelloz Bruria

    Je viens de découvrir Mme Hedy Schleifer , et j’en suis trés heureuse en tant qu’assistante sociale, elle
    élargit l’arc-en-ciel de l’aide et de l’écoute. Merci.
    En plus je voudrais exprimer mon admiration pour la traduction si belle et si juste du commentaire, c’est une expérience édifiante en comparaison à d’autres traductions simultanées qui déforment les propos. Merci aussi au traducteur/trice !!!

    Reply
  5. Mary Kay Cocharo

    Today, using a Power Point I created, Hedy’s TEDTalk, and segments from Hedy’s training videos, I successfully introduced a room of 25 Marriage and Family Therapist Interns to Encounter-centered Couples Therapy. The welcome and response was overwhelmingly positive and the general attitude was, “we want more”! There is a real hunger on the part of therapists to have more effective skills in working with couples (which they often find to be difficult and challenging). The underlying principles and rituals of EcCT are essential for developing couples therapists. I was delighted and proud to bring the knowledge and skill I have to graduate students.

    Reply
  6. Steve

    What an amazing talk! You illustrated the space, the bridge and the encounter so well. It makes perfect sense. I will be sharing this liberally! Thank you so much for sharing. Steve from http://www.spousedates.com

    Reply
  7. Deborah Bach, MSW

    Hedy Shleifer you are a genius! I’ve been trying to do this with varied measures of success for years as I’ve been coping with my mom’s Alzheimer’s. Lately, I’ve consciously been pulling away from her in order to give more of my emotional strength to my family & clients. The struggle has been going on for years and has really drained me. Inspired by your TedX TelAviv talk, I decided to follow your lead. Outside my mom needs a wheelchair, but inside she walks. She lives two doors from me in Haifa and so inspired by you, I went over there this morning and gave her my hand and asked her to stand and give me a hug. She did and then said to Leah, the Russian woman who is with her on Sundays: “dos is mein tochter.” She hasn’t seemed to understand who I am for over a year.

    It was an amazing moment for me and you inspired me, enriched me. Thanks for being my teacher!

    Reply
  8. Yael Brisker

    Dear Hedy – Tears of being touched in such a profound way came to me when I saw this. And gave me so much to ponder and reflect. Thank you…

    Reply
  9. Sheryl Towers

    Hedy- This is such an inspiring and powerful message. And you are simply radiant with love for all of humanity. I had the joy of being your neighbor in the early 80’s and you taught me re-evaluative counseling. Being with you was always an enlightening and incredibly loving experience for which I remain grateful. Thank you for all you are doing to help heal our world. What a magnificient difference you are making.

    Reply
  10. Dr Moshe Dickman

    Wonderful wonderful I have heard it many times and each time I feel inspired all over again

    Reply
  11. Gladys

    Dear Hedy, I visited my mother who is in a similar condition to yours. I tried to cross the bridge. I did my best to simply BE there looking silently deeply into her eyes. She was not sad nor lost. There was just anger in her eyes. An anger that was not hers but of her illness. BUT IT DID NOT MATTER. I WANTED TO CONNECT WITH HER ESSENCE. I whispered to her: do you recognize me? she was mute. I patiently waited looking at her with love and tenderness and after a long pause asked again in whispers: Do you recognize me? … With the strengths that she no longer has, she screamed: NO, I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. … Tragically ironic, I had nothing else to do but to laugh. … In retrospect, perhaps there was never a bridge because the space was occupied by my wish: to be recognized…
    The visit continued. I did not attempt any other dialogue. I just hold her hands. Perhaps there was a bridge in between our hands.

    Reply
  12. Denise

    Dear Hedy.
    Your words are by far the most powerful and enlightening and upflifting I have heard.You have given me hope for a better life…..Thank you so very much

    Reply
  13. ron mackenzie

    And the applause continues…even if it takes a while…Salt Spring is a continental opposite to your place, but does provide a space worthy of a bridge…and you have shown that bridges need not just be verbal…electrons exciting their way through the ether do the job quite well…go well good people…

    Reply
  14. Liane and Aki

    What can we do to cross the bridge to our teenager daughter who has been hospitalized? Hedy provides the answer here. Thank you dear friend and teacher. Our daughter thanks you too.

    Reply
  15. Lyle E. Sucher

    Dearest Hedy. It was wonderful seeing you again after all these years. You are indeed not forgotten and you are loved deeply. You are a treasure in my life and my memory. Thank you very much and all the best to you and Yumi.

    Reply
  16. Daphne Lewin

    Thank you for imparting to me, your message on ‘the power of connection’, which I have now fully embrace; and for accepting me as part of your ‘over the bridge’ community.

    Reply
  17. Georgina and Joshua

    Thank you , thank you , thank you, millions of times thank you, MAESTRA!

    Reply
  18. Zoe Goldstein

    What a magnificent lesson – I wish I had learned it before my mother passed away. Although she always knew who friends and family were, she lost her grip on ‘reality’ and made up wonderful stories which became legends amongst those she told them too. I, in my ignorance and need for the ‘truth’ to be heard, always corrected her and said, ‘no, I didn’t do that’ or ‘no that didn’t happen’. It was only later that I realised that the story was her reality and that it didn’t matter, as with many wonderful literary works, whether it was fiction or non-fiction, but at the time I was unable to cross the bridge!

    Reply
  19. Phyllis Koss

    This was so fantastic-as always listening to Hedy! You are inspiring and awesome beyond all human essences. You are so authentic and so real… You are my velveteen rabbit. I always learn so much from you…..Thanks for sharing…..

    Reply
  20. Sue

    Hedy–I have seen you several times on TED and Talk interviews–thanks for all your sharing and your work! We all need to honor ourselves and one another, especially in these times…

    Reply
  21. Ingrid Menzel

    Ingrid and Reinhard Menzel South Africa
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
    I continue to assist our intellectually impaired cross the bridge, thank you for the teachings and learnings. These young adults will go into employment better equipped to be more conscience in their relationships. Your work is so powerful. We miss you and ask if you will visit South Africa again? Lots love

    Reply
  22. Anne Maillefer Monard

    Merci Hedy, c’est génial de savoir que tu es là avec ton enthousiasme, ton savoir faire et ton grand charisme. Quel chance de te connaître; je te garde précieusement dans mon coeur…

    Reply
  23. Jane/nurse/USA

    God is love and love is the answer to all. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerabe and naked in the space, we expose our soul and remove all pretense in giving ourselves to the other. WOW.

    Reply
  24. Renee Bishop

    Wow Hedy! Blown away by your passion! You are such an engaging and inspiring speaker. My husband and I attended your workshop in Cape Town about 13 years ago. It was wonderful. xxx

    Reply
  25. Beth Hil

    TO GOD BE THE GLORY

    Reply
  26. Vera Zachariassen

    Thank you.
    I’m taking up your challenge of crossing the bridge in my relationships!

    Reply
  27. Ulla Andersen

    Dearest Hedy. We love every word of it and we recommand it to everyone. Happy birthday on friday. We hope to se you and Yumi soon. Love from Flemming and Ulla in Denmark

    Reply
  28. TZiPi

    YES!!! U got it!!

    Reply
  29. Michele

    You are a blessed, chosen, enlightened woman. Your message is so powerful. Your dream…so important. Thank you for your work and for your message.

    Reply
  30. Andrea/physician/USA

    As one heals we all heal….. one at a time we can change the world. Thanks for your enthusiasm and perseverance. Happy Birthday!

    Reply
  31. john Thomas

    have recently returned from the most wonderful experience in relationship building and strengthening. outstanding, powerful and very effective

    Reply
  32. Faith Hoogs

    I so love your energy, and inspiration. I hold you in the light always Hedy

    Reply
  33. Vicky McEvoy

    What a woman and what a fabulous couple!
    You have enriched our live. Have a fabulousb 67th birthday and hope to see you soon.

    Reply
  34. Lisa, ireland

    Always inspiring. Always true. Always thoughtprovoking. A unique and powerful lady.

    Reply
  35. Dale Ferguson

    Hedy, we met in Orlando in the early 90’s in UYO. Then Atlanta. what wonderful places your Bridge has taken you since. 11/11/12 is a powerful and inspiring goal!
    Dale

    Reply
  36. Theresa

    That was very interesting. Thanks for sharing it! Shalom!

    Reply
  37. Andro Donovan

    What a gift you are giving the world. I salute your endeavours and plan to attend your workshops. With gratitude
    Andro

    Reply
  38. Ross Tayler, Professional Co-Active Coach, Canada

    Hedy,
    I have watched your Telaviv TED talk. I want to thank you from my heart for your profound and powerful message. You have connected my understanding of communication through such a powerful story. I am trained as a Life Coach by the Coaches Training Institute. They teach about the 3 Levels of Listening. Level 1 is what you describe as (The Space Between Us) Level 2 is (The Bridge) and Level 3 is (The encounter). Your TED talk has given me an entirely different level of understanding of this communication model. Thank you so much for sharing your story. This level of connection will have a profound impact on the world!

    Sending you love and gratitude from Canada!!

    Reply
  39. Johanna Schwarz, Austria

    Thank you Hedi, It was great to hear you again and relive the experiences with you and Yumi at the workshop near Vienna. All the best, Johanna & Philipp

    Reply
  40. Clara Rosenzweig

    Hedy,
    Thank you so much for your energy and inspiration.

    Reply
  41. Amanda, Sweden

    Wonderful!! So touching. You are doing the most important job in the world. Thank you so much for giving this to people. I will do my best to contribute in the transformation process of the world that you have started!

    Reply
  42. Karen Church

    First I’ve hear of this but have often felt this experience and did not understand. I find this facinating. Thank you for enlightening me.

    Reply
  43. Roxanne Perri

    I love the messages, beyond the space there is a field where we will meet.
    Very inspirational, thank you.

    Reply
  44. Peggy Lucchesi

    I watched this video many times, and I continue to be moved and inspired. Thank you for being you. I’m looking forward to January.

    Reply
  45. Nancy McMoneagle

    I finally got around to listening to Hedy’s TED talk. She’s amazing! Hope to see her inspiring message on connection become more visible throughout our culture via video, books, TV interviews – whatever it takes. Imagine what remarkable things could happen if our polarized politicians (and their constituents) could embrace such an approach – mon dieu!

    Reply
  46. Brenda Rozier-Clark

    Oh, Hedy! Inspiring, all over again! Your sparkling concepts resonate from my brain to my heart, giving me hope for co-creating a new landscape to walk with persons I encounter each day. Thank you, Hedy, for sharing your passionate message through this film. Hello to Yumi, too, from Paul and me.

    Reply
  47. Butch & Linda Moses

    Thank you Hedy for your ongoing inspiration and love. We support you and your message of hope. We will continue to pray for you and Yumi and for the greater vision for our hurting world.
    Peace to you and yours and love from Texas.

    Reply
  48. Beverly Scott MFT

    Congratulations Hedi on your continuing global experience. I have the pleasure of having training with you through Imago Therapy. So beautiful and enlightening.. Can we share another wedding anniversary with you and Yumi in Los Angeles? Beverly Scott MFT

    Reply
  49. Inigo

    I love the message Hedy, God bless you! Thanks for sharing that with the world

    Reply
  50. Alys and Nick

    Bless you always.
    We love you
    Alys and Nick

    Reply
  51. Linda Farley

    This is a universal message. If only we can find the field, letting go of our baggage and fears. Beautifully said.

    Reply
  52. Myrna Wolf

    I have known and loved Hedy for more than 30 years and she always inspires me to live and love to the fullestl This video is so much more than inspirational, it is energy shifting and life altering. Thank you Hedy and Yumi, for being in my life.

    Reply
  53. Paula, davis,ca,usa

    Breathtakingly amazing…a visionary, a
    prophet, passionate and a vessel of love
    and transformation for this planet. This is
    the only home we have. BRAVO Hedy!

    Reply
  54. Judi Spendelow, PsyD

    Dearest Hedy – So special see and hear you in this video. And I don’t know what is possible for Mike and me for 11/11/12 – however, I sure would like more information about what is to happen in Jerusalem. My love to you and Yumi, and wishes for his continued healing, and for your work to go on and on! Judi

    Reply
  55. Joerg Weiler, entrepreneur, Poland

    THAT’S IT! If we all could embrace your message and vision we, our relationships, and ultimately the world actually could become a better place. Thank you for this extremely powerful reminder that we HAVE to try NOW!

    Reply
  56. Adrianne Grayson

    Dear Hedy,
    Your message has touched my heart in such a
    special way, I now want to cross that bridge.
    Thank you for sharing your beautiful essence with the world.

    Reply
  57. Eva Berlander

    Hurray for you Hedy! Beautiful film.
    Happy Birthday to late, Happy Birthday to late.. Happy Birthday dear Hedy…. Happy Birthday to you!! Kram, Eva and Sven

    Reply
  58. Susan Henkels

    Amazing, inspiring, beautiful presentation. I felt the space between us as sacred as I watched. I have declared (with a proclamation from our Mayor) September 5, 2010 as A DAY IN THE HEART OF RELATIONSHIP…..one Sunday for all of Sedona to share the joy of their relationships with each other. I am completely aligned with you. Thank you, Susan Henkels

    Reply
  59. Belinda Perrow

    Thank you dear Hedy for opening our eyes to the 3 invisible connectors. Learning to honour the sacred space between us has changed my life. I live it everyday, with my husband, Mark and with my couples at work. Congratulations on your magnificent life’s work! With love and appreciation, Belinda

    Reply
  60. Elahe Mehrel

    Dear Hedy, Having taken your workshop was the single most profound step we have taken towards a marriage made in heaven, it
    actually became heavenly after working with you. Your miraculous words will transform lives, even in this 19 minute Ted Talk . But like you, I wish that at least one million people will experience these magical workshops with you & Yumi in the sacred space.
    Thank you

    Reply
  61. Danny Gal, Hub Tel Aviv Founder, Israel

    I was at the TEDx conference, and a grand woman, Hedy Schleifer, took the stage to talk about “The Power of Human Relationships”. From the moment she got on stage it was clear that standing before us was an enlightened woman, connected to herself and to her emotions. As if with the wave of a magic wand, she transformed the space between her and us (the audience in the auditorium and the audiences around the world) so it became uncontaminated and more connected. She reminded us to take responsibility for our lives, our loves and in paying attention to others. It sounded so simple that I believed her, and as soon as I started listening to her (and not just hearing her) the “bad bugs” started dying inside of me. Thank you, Hedy.

    Reply
  62. Jennifer Manchester

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful message! Your examples really brought home the difference honoring that space between us makes! Thank you Geoffrey for sharing this message! I’m also a fan of Rumi — & I will meet you there!

    Reply
  63. Rena Conley

    I just watched your TEDxTEL AVIV video, and am smiling ear to ear! You have perfected the essence of your teachings, and you come through like a magnificent symphony…

    Love you, as always,

    Rena

    Reply
  64. uri mahlev

    inspiring joyful bravo

    Reply
  65. nanja

    A found the video lovely: the warm, simple way Hedi could tell the essence of live, of our relationships, from her soul and heart. Lovely! I looked and listened to it with a smile and a warm, open heart.
    I recognised the same in the book: ”A Course of Miracles.” (Love): Look at it … (Don’t put it away:) You can see this different!: ”How would Love looked at it?”
    And: ”Realise: every encounter is a holy encounter.” Because in essence (spirit) we are all Love, One, now yet in endless ways of expressions. We just sometimes forget. But we can choose again and ask for help inside us to see this different, to feel again inner peace instead of struggle, change all ”yes, but ….” in ”yes, for love …” Because that’s where this is all about, it is the essence. Realise: every encounter is a holy encounter. ..
    Thank you very much.
    With Love from Nanja (The Netherlands)

    Reply
  66. Dave & Margie McKeon

    Truly anointed message, shared by a truly inspiring teacher, offering a compelling vision of hope for all of us. Thank you dearest Hedy.

    Reply
  67. Beatrice LATEUR LACROIX, Paris, France

    Hedi and Yumi, you’re blessings for Humanity and for the world.
    With Love, as ever,
    Guy and Beatrice

    Reply
  68. cynthia hunter

    Hedy,
    Thank you for your ABSOLUTE commitment to bringing softening and healing to all of us in relationship.

    Reply
  69. Gina Hardy

    Hedy is a huge inspiration. I saw her in action in Denmark last December. I was blown away by just being in her presence. Thank you for touching our hearts xx

    Reply
  70. Anne

    Bravo Hedy! En 20 minutes tu réussis à transmettre d’une manière claire, vivante et personnelle l’essence de ton travail avec les couples… Je suis impressionnée. Et reconnaissante de tout ce que tu m’apportes et de tout ce que j’apprends de toi.
    Bravo, merci.
    Anne (Genève)

    Reply
  71. Mary Kay Cocharo

    I love you, Hedy! And I miss you and Yumi. Thank you for your gifts. With love and appreciation, Mary Katherine

    Reply
  72. moshe kessler

    Hedy:
    Thank you for creating sacred space wherever you go. As always I’m touched by your words, passion and vision.

    Reply
  73. Daphne Lewin

    Dear Hedy

    Thank you for this powerful heart felt message. It makes me feel so fulfilled listening to you; more like the meeting of two essences. I e-mailed this video to one of my dear friends whose marriage is on the rocks. She is really inspired by your message, which has given her greater insights into the relationship difficulties, as well as your skill as a speaker. Hoping that I will be able to meet up with you in November 2012.

    Reply
  74. Adele Azar-Rucquoi

    Hedy, this morning Jim and I were privileged to watch you on Ted. We watched with our hearts, watched and heard deeply your words, your gestures, your facial expressions, your truth. Oh, what beauty you shared with the world. I will watch you again and again, I will again learn from you how to express my own truth, my own stories of recognizing the essence in Jim, of crossing the bridge to that essence and the gold I discovered there for myself.

    Reply
  75. Guillaume Levy-Lambert, Singapore

    Wow! Hedy this is spectacular, to convey such a powerful message in a crisp, entertaining 20 minutes clip, and in such a prestigious platform.

    Reply
  76. Jane Poole

    Wow Hedy! Fantastically interesting! You are such an passionate and engaging speaker. Loved it, and love your vision for world peace. Best prediction I’ve heard for 2012 yet. Thanks for sharing this. You should be very proud.

    If you haven’t already, I think you & Yumi should write a book. Then maybe Oprah, PBS…
    The world needs all the help it can get in rebuilding sacred space. Best Wishes.

    Reply
  77. gita katz

    Hedy, I am so proud of you. You are amazing.

    Reply
  78. Talma Cohen

    Hedy,
    What a great pleasure to hear you speak. Yuval & I continue to follow the dialog, and I began training with Liora to become an Imago therapist. Hope we can all contribute to this large dream of staying connected and improving our world.
    With love,
    Talma

    Reply
  79. Barbara P. Ward

    WoW, I get it! As a fellow Imago therapist and a wife, mother and grandmother…thank you!

    Reply
  80. Ken

    Perfectly said…bravo…the world needs to hear this over and over again! Thanks Hedy!

    Reply
  81. Carole Kirby

    Bravo! I love you.
    carole

    Reply
  82. Maureen Gavin

    OH HEDI !!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  83. Jim Rucquoi

    beautiful, o world-class lady. and TED the perfect platform for you. so good to see you going strong as ever. here’s to world bridge day. i’m marking my cal 11/11/12. big hugs from the both of us

    Reply
  84. Gerti senger

    great!

    Reply
  85. Belle Hazlehurst

    That was BEAUTIFUL Hedy! I loved sitting with your delightful presence & message. Thank you!

    Reply
  86. Cathy Rosenberg

    My husband and I did your workshop in 1989. It changed our lives as individuals and turned our struggles into magic. We will always credit your workshop with changing our path. We are so incredibly in love and joyful.

    Reply

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How to Rebuild Your Life Together After an Affair

Watch this clip from the newly released AFFAIRS: A Step-by-Step Process for Reconnection video program.


“Healing After an Affair” is a two-day experience developed by Hedy, for the repair of the rupture, in the relational bond of couples, created by an affair. The private intensive session results in re-connection, restores compassion, forgiveness and intimacy, teaches how to make authentic mutual amends, and rebuilds mutual trust for a new future together.

Watch Hedy’s TED talk
About the three invisible connectors:
“the Space, the Bridge, and the Encounter”